A Path To A Dream

In the moments in which i am typing this, I am so tired that a nuclear war could be going on less than a mile from here and i could still find a way to make myself unconscious. On the bright side, me being so sleepy is also a plus in this situation since i am quite mentally vulnerable and will be able to type down pretty much almost exactly how I feel about something. There were so many auto corrects in that previous sentence you would be shocked. Anyway, in my current state in dealing with online school, i can definitely say that I am starting to lose my touch. Assignments are becoming more frequent which i did not think was in the slightest possible. My usual habits of procrastination are being forced to lessen due to all the work i have been getting. I have a talent for sounding dramatic, even through typed words so i might be making this sound more perilous than it actually is. I suppose the main part of this blog post is to talk about black and white, right from wrong. Ever since my father disowned me I was thinking a lot about choices that i've made and already how they have decided my place in the world. My friend while also doing so in a jokingly matter, has made some comments that have made me think about it as well. I have talked in previous posts about how i have many ideas in my head that i could never in 1,000,000,000 years ever accomplish on my own. I have noticed that while I admit to such things, i never really had the desire to change that. I was fine with making graphics in Illustrator and Photoshop by combining reference pictures and making my own work, even though i stated that i wanted to be able to create my own artwork someday, i never really thought about how or why. I have been afraid of black and white options that only lead towards to separate pathways. The "you do or you don't" mentality scares me. If only one thing will happen if i do this and it simply will not if i don't. Having such weight of a decision be entirely up to me kind of scares me. I often think about how much my dad would ridicule me for being the way i am now and other times i simply let it roll off my shoulders as I enjoy myself either when with friends or family. Its where i find myself the happiest. I later learned that I don't really care what i do in life. I just want to be able to take my friends and Family out on A nice trip someday where we can all enjoy ourselves, so whatever decisions I come across that are black and white, I'll try to add some color to them, so my dream can come true.